⏳Breakthroughs Take Time

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Hey, it’s me!

We don’t know all that much about each other (yet).
Upfront I want to say that reading has never been a strong suit of mine.

The irony of writing a newsletter isn’t lost on me.

Growing up I remember how my sister would churn through books, sometimes checking 7 or 8 of them out of the library simultaneously. Somewhere along the line I had convinced myself that Leigh reads and Sean doesn’t.

A while back I finished reading my second novel in the space of 2 months.

Two consecutive months mind you.

Something I have never done.

I began to reflect on my core belief. Something I have held on to for over 30 years.

As I turned off the light and closed my eyes, the scenes rushed out in front of me as if it were a movie.

I was in high school and a teacher commented on the series of adventure books I was reading. Apparently I wasn’t reading age appropriate literature and should have been reading a more complex story at my age.

The judgment was all encompassing.

I felt belittled and immediately insecure in what I enjoyed.

I am very slowly waking up to the realization that my fear of what others say or think of me held me back. In the documentary Miss Americana, Taylor Swift makes a statement that I can strongly relate to.

Replace ‘good girl’ with ‘good boy’ and it’s the story of my life. Can you relate?

In 2015, 55% of participants in a study conducted by author Elizabeth R. Thornton said that their self-worth was often, more often or always tied to what others think. Clearly I’m not alone then.

If I’m being totally honest, I spend a far too much energy trying to think about ways in which I cannot be shamed. And The pressure to be seen as “good” or do things “right” can definitely lead to living an inauthentic life.

South African sports psychologist and author, Dr Kirsten van Heerden says “we all have an ego and like some kind of affirmation and validation from others. It is nice to be recognised and affirmed. The problem is when this is the only source of self-worth. We also need to learn to manage our thoughts so as to speak more kindly to ourselves…it is amazing how harshly we speak to ourselves, words we would never call anybody else!” 

I was listening back to an old episode of the podcast, where Dr Van Heerden said “I also like the idea of mastery vs success. Success can be one moment in time, whereas if you are aiming for mastery instead, you will acknowledge that it is a curved line pursuit, a constant process of learning and progress. If we can allow ourselves to be human and to know that life if hard, things are challenging and we are doing our best to navigate our way through life, I think we can be a bit kinder to ourselves.”

The advice is quite simple.
Pay closer attention to what you say about yourself and learn to become disciplined in letting go of unhelpful thoughts, especially those that compare us to others and find a way to be our own best friends.

My new daily practice is to remind myself that whatever people think of me is fleeting.

Let them talk.
I have nothing to prove and I have so much to learn.
I have no one to impress but myself.

Until the next time,
Get shifted.

• If you are Interested in understanding your primal world beliefs, I highly recommend listening to this episode of Hidden Brain. In it, psychologist Jer Clifton talks about how our primal world beliefs shape our reality and how we can use this knowledge to live happier and more harmonious lives.